random post

She did what she could. To protect herself and me. So yea.... I feel really bad when i think of what she is going through now. It was totally my fault. I feel like, banging my head on something as hard as diamond or watever, for what I did. It could have turn out well, if I had managed to control it. Now I understand why some people craved for a time machine. Now all I wanted is to go back in time, correct all my mistakes, make it turn out better. I am such a screwed up person.

Didn't threaten her, didn't take advantage of her weak points. Didn't disturb her, I think, but if I really did, I am such a stupid asshole to not realise it. I didn't even know her weak points, let alone blackmail her or smth. Maybe she views it differently. But these lies managed to save her and me. So I don't care what in the world she told them. As long as she is safe, and moving on with her life peacefully. They were right, I am the worst.

I can't happily tell her I get first for CC, if I did. I can't watch movies with her. I can't contact her. I can't see her. I don't know how I feel now. Mixed up, screwed up. Haha. Now the goal for CC that was etched in my mind seem worthless.

Just hope that they don't pressure her too much. Please, I pray to earth. I pray even to god, if they really exist, cuz I don't even believe in them. Just, get over it, let her life go back to normal. Yea, just do it. Please.