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Yesterday was unable to use com... rawr. Well, yesterday stayed back with shaun, was slacking until 3+, then suddenly we started doing maths LOL.

Talked to jia-er! YAYYYYYY!!! though only one sentence lol. Might think I am crazy, but whatever haha.

Todae went to kallang leisure park watch movie and ate lunch. Watched accident, movie was ok, but the ending made me want to throw my shoes argh !! I rather the movie be about two smart guys battling each other instead of just one guy who just thinks every accident is a set-up and ended up dying. Like death note. Haiz.

I don't want to see her suffer. I want to do something to help her. Be it sharing her pain or whatever. I can pray to god for her even though i don't believe in god. I can help her fold 1000 cranes if she believes that allow her a wish. I can't stand at a side.....

My mail box is full of jia hui tagging and commenting on facebook 0-0!!!!

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today started off with a good note. sammy seemed exasperated at my not doing homework. nicole surprisingly pestered me to do my homework. would have continue to read eragon if not for her taking my book away. had no choice but to do maths assignment.

normal flag raising.... and welcoming of students from... africa? or is it america, i can't remember. but that doesn't concern me too much so.... forget it LOL.

PE todae was surprising. Classes including mine were divided and form groups from different classes to plae games. I had to admit, it was fun playing with the juniors. Some juniors are cute and funny. And as always, there were 1 or 2 guys who stand out in physical performance. I was pretty nervous becuz some of the juniors were in my CCA, so I had to set a good example.... rawr. Thought I didn't. LOL.

chem lesson was the start of the roll downhill. I am extremely angry with yuan xiang and sze yeung. Fooling around. Chem teacher was on the brink of losing her temper. But the delay in finishing the practical session was partly my fault too. We were kinda disorganised, so there was confusion, thus delaying the practical. Things doesn't turn for the better when sze yeung put the lab goggles into a pail of soap. Right after chem teacher briefed us and dismiss us.

sammy and jia hui did their work. good for them, though it brings back the pain of not being to join that normal study group. I am not going to lose. I shall chiong my work.

Got distracted by nicole during social studies. She asked me whether I still like jia-er and do I feel sad. I answered the first but not the second. But her questions made me lose my focus and I almost sink into depression again. Not a very good time.

Talked to jia hui a while on the way to audi for assembly. I don't understand her. I don't understand my classmates. I don't understand why they dislike Bryan. I don't even see how Bryan is in any way noisy. So as you may guess, I was kinda.....feeling unpleasant hearing her talk about Bryan. Yea, I tried to ask her why she dislike Bryan, but to my frustration I cannot understand how she feel. But oh well, it's good to see that she still hops around like a bunny even though Bryan clearly made her unhappy.

Saw jia-er during assembly. She changed her hairstyle a bit, which kinda look... cute.

After assembly jia hui, jia-er, shaun, sook wei and maybe some other people went to library. Fighting down the emotions threatening to burst out. Sank into depression for a while after they left, but recovered fairly quickly by losing myself in the story of eragon.

Shuen came back asking if I want to watch movie. I am not enthusiastic about the idea, so he drops the topic. Went to KFC to eat dinner. And then went home. Shuen could be lonely sometimes huh....

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I am dying of boredom. Wish something new and exciting would happen soon. Studying uses up a lot of my energy, so I think I am getting fatter eating snacks....

Shuen rawks! Finishing eragon, which is a nice story.

Confusing myself in my room yesterday. I can't meet jia-er cuz I dun have the face to and I dun have any rights to meet her, do I? Then what should I do? If I continue like thinking of her then I won't be able to study properly, then I can't stay in dhs. But if i dun think of a solution, then......... rawr argh forget it. Turning my mind somewhr else.

Talking to jia hui through facebook. Like 0.0 suddenly facebook become more useful than msn. LOL.

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Admit that I am not very sensitive to others' feelings....
They don't like me but they let me joined their group for the past 2 years.
I realised it a bit too late huh.
They have been treating me nicely, yet I dun appreciate them.

Sammie's book is interesting. Shall read half of it by todae(i hope).
Jia-er as always... sleeping in class. Her blog... lol.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXUNQnrgYNQ

found this video... really sympathetic if there is such a guy around.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TIdX9rNDXg

OMG this is damn funny haha! Power vacuum cleaner !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydZ9jJ4X8I4&feature=channel

The pain gymnasts go through before they become so pro...

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Argh, damn angry with the class todae. If they dunnoe why, then all the more I shouldn't talk to them... Jeez, I am crushing the piece of paper in front of me....

Jia hui has a really cool e-portfolio. Haha.

Sammy is nagging me to do my hmw.... -.- and she passed me a book to read...? LOL she does funny stuffs....

Shuen and Jia hui are playing pokemon game in class.... 0.0

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school feels empty. like no one except me around in school. oh well, i deserve it right? so i shall enjoy it too. my presence seems to offend everyone.... so i am making an effort to stay away from everyone.

finally hand in hmw. mood getting better. so dun screw me up.

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wedding dinner yesterday night, so didn't get to post... came home late.

found myself asking my brother questions, like how come the cup for wine and cup for orange juice different one. My bro answer me in a funny way: cuz wine higher class ma !

when food was served it was like wtf.... cuz i happen to be the youngest person at the table so they keep saying, young people must eat more ! I end up feeling fat at the end of the day.

my sixth sense tells me that one of them found this blog. may be wrong, but i am not planning to change url again. unless it's neccessary.

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Lol celebrations at sch was.... ok. Kinda cool. See people laughing away during games. Mmm. 1 hour lunch break b4 the celebrations start was surprisingly short. Oh well, maybe cuz I am sleeping.

Finally they stopped talking to me. Whew. I think some of them are now really irritated by my behaviour. So be it, I dun plan to do anything which needs communication with them anyway.

Dionne seems to be really pissed off at me. Ever since I said some of them are really very ununited. Since Dionne is pissed off at me, most probably jia hui, nicole and god knows who else are talking bad stuffs about me again. Ha, talk all u want, I dun mind anymore. "angelic faces".....
I am not going to be pushed down just by your remarks. I am going to be immune to them. Be strong, survive, be weak, u die.

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Still talking to me... ZzzZ

Getting more and more irritated. Not with them talking to me though. More like what they do that is irritating me.

Went home early, got on a bus with another one of those people who reached his limits and vending his frustrations in the bus loudly. Scared off some girls. Lol.

Went to LAN for a few days straight. But dunno why still not happy. Whatever it is, I just want to control my emotions first. Screw it.

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Lost it when hist teacher ask what happened. Screwed. Damn embarrassing. Geez. I am such a weakling.

I dun want to talk to ppl anymore. Scared of losing it again. Leave me alone.

I want to live in my own world now. So shut up. The more you talk the more irritating you are.

Emotions gone out of control. I just saw them together again at the table beside our class summore.....Curse it. Damn it, damn it, damn it,damn it. I dun want to see them. Get out of my sight! STOP PUSHING THE KNIFE FURTHER IN. I may not be able to take it. Or maybe I still can take more. Whatever. I dun want to do any unthinkable actions. Mixed up like a junk now.

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They have probably gone thru more. This is not enough. Definitely. More than such pain. Isn't it....? I have to experience it before I understand them.

Pain at heart is greater than physical pain.

Went to LAN, played left 4 dead. Shuen, jia hui and de-yawn came.... dunnoe for what.... but it was strange with 3 people standing behind me and looking at me play..... and after that they went home without me.... so i can't understand why they come to look for me.

Used to it now. Leave me alone would be great. Freedom feels cool.....

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Dying to know my maths test results but maths teachers dun want give todae rawr lol. Chemistry teacher looks surprisingly well even though she had fever and cough two days ago. Hist and social studies teacher kinda said he had high expectations of me and I had disappointed him.... Haha, I dun believe him. Not if his expectations of our class is already so low... a "high expectation" of someone in our class would be a low expectation in other class.

Talking about that, I also dun believe shaun. He said that he say "now i know why i cannot hang out with him" is to GL sooky. Liar. Just finding excuse so that I won't be hurt. Without knowing I am hurt already, so no use giving rubbish excuses. He probably meant it. Dun hang out with me.

I am being a busybody again. I thought jia hui forgot to pack her PE shirt into her bag so I brought down to foyer where she is. Turns out her bag is full, and she planned to bring it home tmr. So I made myself look stupid again. Yea, so I decided to bring it home and put it back under her desk tmr morning. I feel really idiotic at this point. What is my problem man.

PYA was boring. Slack. But learnt some things anyway. I wanted to bring a booklet of the safety measures home. But turns out we have to return to the police. Haiz.

Having a retarded headache from morning all the way to afternoon haha. Makes me sweat like crazy. Luckily todae dun have any activities that involves a lot of energy or smth. If not vision blur again.

Long time never play soccer le. Haha. If I recover my skills, people would belike complaining about me le haha. Cuz I would keep thundering the ball out of the field beyond the opponent's goalpost. The size of the playing area is kinda small compared to my primary school's one. Still remember during primary school there are like 10 soccer games played in a parade square during recess. The playing area overlap, so I not only have to dodge opponents, but have to dodge people who are playing their own soccer games as well. It was damn fun.

But I have to admit my secondary sch now kinda rawks. More entertainments. More attractive things to look at, the girls. LOL. But only interested in one. And met some really cool people. Totally funny.

Somehow I manage to force myself to go away. Stop bothering the usual group. Wooo great achievement. Haha. May as well bang my head on the wall and go die man. Dunno what I doing. Seriously screwed up. Oh well, should just keep away from them till she forgives me, that is, the day she unblocks me on msn. That will be a YAY! for days of punching the wall and straining myself physically. HAHA. I have gone mentally retarded.

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Everything seems meaningless now. Yea, well, I will just live through this life without doing anything then. Haha. Live a carefree life ~

Misunderstand or not, it's quite impossible to get it back now. I shall give up everything. Maybe I grab too much of what I want.

I shall lock the door up. Don't ever knock on the door. Don't ever come near me.

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Bleeding profusely, feel like dying.
Covering it up, so no one notices.
Dripping on the floor every now and then though.
The wound is growing larger.
I feel helpless.

Went to LAN to play left 4 dead again. Now I am kinda good at it, well, at least better than some people XD

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jealousy is making me blind.
hatred is breeding.
I am very scared now.
what do I do now?
I don't want to lose control.
I don't want to see them anymore.
I am afraid of seeing them.
I can't see the light.
Someone help me....

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Todae chem playing reversi with shuen's ipod under the table LOL. Mole concept still as hard as ever. Reaction rate etc still okae ^^ I understand. Haha. Went macs for lunch, jia hui didn't come for lunch again. Wonder how skinny she gonna be. Wanted to buy smth for her to eat, but changed my mind after considering her personality. LOL. No offence.

After chem went to LAN with shuen. Played Left 4 dead. LOL. Damn scary laaa. But finished one whole map with help from some ppl sometimes. Easy mode too. First time playing so yea, practically scared out of my mind. Plus the volume was turned up so loud I kinda having headache le. Shuen too. Well, Shuen kinda got sick of playing left 4 dead after the one whole map, so he went to play battle tanks on frozen throne. Can see that he didn't play a lot of battle tanks yet. Stayed at LAN for 2 hours then left. Felt like going the same place again to kill time.

Originally planned to play battle tanks with shuen todae night. But he never log on.... so nvm. Kinda boring at home. Gotta do my hmw soon 0-0.....

Now more used to being alone now. And it's easier to push her out of my mind. But still think of her occasionally. Rawr. I wish to restore back the relationship. But too long a conflict huh. It's torn down beyond repair, which really breaks my heart. I can't see her now, nor the usual "friends" I had. I kinda always spoil the happy atmosphere whenever I am present. Now I understand why ppl want to suicide.

It's staying quiet for now. The only solution. Or is it?

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Kinda ok todae. Went arcade again zzzZZz. Tried smth new: playing percussion freak with my hands. LOL. Ok seriously damn pain.

That pro percussion kid came again. Played basketball with him again. Mmm we are getting better in terms of our rhythm in throwing basketball. Got 700+! Still can improve though.

Getting bored....mmm. Gotta do the hist thingy soon too. Argh. I think hist teacher fuming mad now.

It seems I am still not welcomed by everyone, even though they look like they don't mind me being around.

NP junior Year 1 blog damn funny and entertaining. LOL. Great jokers haha.

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LMSC todae was again fun. But games duration a bit too long(i think), cuz I was like getting bored of it after like 20 minutes of playing it. And many many other problems. But also many many things learnt and many many things that showed that our squad is cool. Yea, kinda.

Sad, last dae meeting those HOs. They were really fun :) and knowledgeable. I wanna be like them ^^.

Rawr, after LMSC I got two choices, going to terence's condo or going out to eat dinner with the usual group. Chose to eat dinner with the usual group. But jia hui left when we were indecisive about whr to go and jia-er apparently had to go home celebrate her sis birthdae. So dinner cancelled.... Too late to go terence's condo too.... So just went home with shaun and jia-er.

ZzzZz now I feel like everybody dislikes me. Sinking down into depression again. It's so hard to get out of the hole I fell into. I am such a loser and an idiot. I tagged along with everyone. Follower. I think that's why everybody dislikes me huh.....

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Forgot to post yesterday. Oh yay 30 marks for maths test.... but chem test failed *.*.... Gotta revise on acids bases and salts. And mole concept too. Rawr. For PYA I am grouped with sooky....she's ok la... just that she finds me irritating(she told me so). Shucks, I didn't even knoe I am irritating till she told me so.... Does jia-er also find me irritating for the same reason too? Mmm, then I have to change.

Still dao-ed me as usual when I say hi to her. Rawr. Always brought my spirits down when she does that. Jeez, tmr LMSC.... Hope I still can stay in high spirits through it. Haiz. Oh no, negative thoughts coming again. ARGH.

Sad life....life is getting scary for me now....I suspect everyone finds me irritating. I don't know who to trust. Who is telling the truth? They keep saying nice things in front of you but who knows they say all sorts of bad things behind your back. Some of them only see the negative side of what you do, seldom do they look at the positive side. Some look angelic when you are around, but is a devil when you are not around.

The strong survives, the weak dies. I somehow feel that I am weakling. Yea, maybe dying is a better choice than pulling those strong ones down. Watever it is, I can't bring sorrow to those around me anymore.

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Todae someone got suspended for 3 days.... ZzzZ. Form teacher had to go about lecturing us about being good students. I kinda understand and learnt some things from the lecture, but I would prefer that this kind of things not happen again. I think our form teacher kinda under a lot of pressure dealing with our class.

Screwed up the maths pop quiz. Rawr. Hist and social studies teacher(same teacher) suddenly pop us hist test and social studies test. Both are SBQs, so kinda rushed answers out in 25 mins for each test.

Stayed back for a while ot finish some stuffs. Chinese hmw was crap -.- it's just copying the chinese phrases from the book in order from 1 to 50. Had fun playing reversi and chatting with jia hui, tse shuen, kai xin and wei teck. I lost to kai xin once O.O.

Went to kfc with jia hui and tse shuen. Talking crap thr, kinda funny, and kinda long time since I ate kfc food le. Rawr thr's a pimple that's irritating me on my face... gotta get rid of it soon.

Father's birthday :) But brother got project not coming home so didn't really celebrate.... :( but cake was nice....

Negative thoughts are coming in my head again. Pushing them out as best as I could. Rawr.

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Woke up, played com a while, went out to arcade play again.

Checked prices for prizes for UGD.

Didn't exceed budget yay!

Sammy's cousin talked to me for a while. Kinda cute haha.

Yea that's kinda it for todae.

Have to think positively! Kinda get over the feeling bad over the incident le... Now trying my best not to fall back into that moody state again. :)